i warned her that we would be taking a sweaty post run pic…

If you were anywhere online yesterday, then you saw a handful of running groups pull together and announce that today would be a day for the running community to show our support of Boston and the senseless tragedy that occurred yesterday. There were posts about wearing a racing shirt, or wearing blue and gold, or just going out to run.

Getting out there in a show of solidarity and unity– that we might not all be Boston Qualifiers but the Runner’s Spirit is in all of us. From the spectators to the elite, the thing that draws us to these races is the perseverance of the human spirit. I am proud to be a runner. I am proud to be a part of this community. My heart goes out to all those affected by yesterday’s events.

source: https://www.facebook.com/VO2theMAX

Despite my last attempt at joining a running group being a big ol’ huge bucket of fail, I still had it in my head that what I needed to do was to join a group or a class or something. Something to keep me motivated and accountable in my training and/or everyday runs. I was pumped to learned that my local running store was starting a new beginner’s group this past week. Even though I’m not technically a beginner, I’m slow like one and thought that perhaps by joining a proper class I could learn better technique and maybe get a bit faster and more efficient.  I was all set to register and be on my merry running way when it dawned on me that the first week, would be the week that J would be in NYC for work. I would have to miss the first week of classes, so basically, I was out of luck.

::sigh::

Foiled again.

I was pretty bummed and just figured that I would have to start running again solo. The thought made me sad. And seriously unmotivated to even try. But then I started thinking that maybe others are in the same boat as me. That maybe others needed the motivation and accountability that a group offered but didn’t have the time or resources to join one. So, I thought, why not start an online running group? One where everyone is welcome, no matter skill level or training program?  On a whim, I posted the idea on my facebook page and BOOM– others were also interested in joining! And before I knew it, the TARS Running Club was born! I’m seriously SO EXCITED about this, y’all!

Right now we have 9 people that are on board– all different levels and locations– and I couldn’t be happier!

Here’s how it will all work:

• Each Sunday I will post the weekly mileage goal on FB. There will be 3 different “levels” that you can aim for, depending on your time, ability, etc. You chose which you feel is best for you* and make it happen in anyway you see fit. Run. Walk. Run/Walk. Do half a mile one day and 4 on the next. Whatever you want to do to achieve your weekly mileage goal. See? Easy peasy.
• On Saturday, just comment on that week’s goal post on whether you made your goal or not– and any other accomplishments you want to shout out, like, “I ran for a full 20 mins!” Or “I PRd at my 5k this weekend!”. If you don’t make your goal– no worries. This will be a judgement free zone because life happens. Sometimes you just can’t get out and run. But let us know anyways so we can support you regardless!

Want to join us? Please do!! The more the merrier! Just go like my facebook page so you can receive the Weekly Goal Posts. That’s it!

*Please do not start this club if you aren’t sure you can safely do so health-wise.
You should consult your doctor before starting any new fitness/work-out regimen.

I know logically that it was bound to happen– that at some point, my children would tell me that they hated me. Or that they didn’t love me anymore. I had always assumed that it would be when they were 10 and I was telling them they couldn’t spend the night somewhere or something equally life-shattering. Not when they were 5. Not when I was trying to talk to them before bedtime about the day and how I was sorry I had yelled at her earlier.

But it did happen. She turned away from me and I asked her if she was okay and she said something I don’t think I will ever forget:

“I just want you to go away.”

Stricken, I asked her why and she replied, “Because I don’t like you.”

Naturally, I left the room and began the stream of tears.

I’m sharing this with you all now, because:

I believe in letting people see the real side of parenting. It’s so easy to get caught up in the instagram and facebook way of showing life, but it’s only a fraction of what goes on. A carefully cultivated exhibit of all the good parts of life. And while if you asked me how I liked being a mom, I would without a doubt tell you it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me– but it doesn’t mean that everything is all sunshine and pinterest crafts. It’s a freaking rollercoaster of emotions, EVERYDAY. Almost every minute it seems somedays– like today. And that it’s okay.

It’s okay to have shit days where you feel like a failure as a parent.
It’s okay to fall apart every once and a while and cry your eyes out.
It’s okay to not have all the answers.
IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE PERFECT.

And just so you know, she ended up coming out of her room and I was all, “OMG, she knew I was crying and wanted to connect with me and she just NEEDED me!”…..

yeah…

she came out to get her bear’s dress. Normally, I would have been upset that she was out of bed, but I was so relieved to see her that I grabbed her and hugged her and I was still kinda crying and she hugged me back and when I told her I loved her SO MUCH she said she loved me too– and then she said, “Can I go to bed now?”

HAHAHA

That kid.

Rollercoaster of emotions I tell you.

ROLLERCOASTER.

Before I get into The Plan, I want to confess something to you all. It’s not easy admitting something to a public forum such as a blog, especially when you barely admit it to yourself, but at the same time, isn’t that what this space is for? Discussing running and parenting and everything in between? It’s easy to sit back and only reveal the good things or the best pictures and have everyone reading think, omg, everything is perfect. Not that any of you are thinking that, but you know what I mean, right? It’s safe to not show your short comings or failings, because once it is out there, in interwebspaceness (that’s a technical term) it’s out there and can’t be taken back. Unless, yanno, I delete this post– but I’m going for drama here, so work with me, yeah?

Anyhoo– my confession.

Well, in short, I haven’t been training what-so-ever. Surprise, surprise you may be saying. And here you thought I was going to confess something big like, I’ve been hoarding secret staches of hamburger patties and have been inhaling them two at a time. Nah, nothing so sordid. But it is disappointing for me. I swore that this time would be different. That this time, knowing what needs to happen to run a successful Half, that I would commit and do things differently and see changes in my result.

Now here’s the part where I am supposed to offer up my reasons, but truthfully, I don’t have any. To me, a reason would be an injury or a family issue– something that necessitates taking time away from logging miles. But I don’t have either of those to state, so anything that I put forward wouldn’t be a reason, it would be an excuse. Sure, new job, J traveling more, and wanting to be with the Littles more are good arguments for not scheduling runs, but when it comes down to it, there is only one truth to give. And that is, running wasn’t a priority. If something is a priority, then you make time for it. Like my kids. And obsessing over the house being clean and organized. And if we are really going for the whole trust tree thing here– apparently watching 47 episodes of Law & Order SVU are a priority right now as well, cause DAMN GINA, now that I have cable again, I can’t stop watching Detective Stabler that show.

All this leads up to the Big Confession– I will not be ready for the Half next month. So, I am not running it.

::gasp::
I KNOW, RIGHT???

But here is where The Plan comes in…

I’m switching from running the Full Half (which sounds weird, since the Full is a full marathon, but love me through it anyways) to a RELAY  Half.

And– J will be my relay partner!! HOLLLLLAAAA!

He’s going to take on the longer leg, aka 7.1 miles, while I will be tackling the almost 10K leg– a whopping 6 miles– but I’m the lucky one as I get to cross the finish line.

I won’t lie and say that I am not disappointed with my efforts but in the end, I am really happy with my decision to switch. I don’t want to make running something I dread or even hurt myself with. PLUS, running the race with J will be amazing. We get to have a hand-off with a drumstick and everything. LEGIT.

I still want to run a full half this year, but I need to really sit down and evaluate whether or not I can commit to it. Right now, I just want to be consistent.

For years, J has made fun of me for falling asleep in the car on the way home from any outing. Grocery store, party, family gathering, you name it and as soon as I get in the car to go home, I fall asleep. I’ve always chalked it up to my family’s napping nature (we are all Professional Nappers)– but recently it’s come to my attention that my car slumbering stems from my anxiety at being out in public.

Before the girls came into our lives, if I had to go out in public, I usually went alone. It was terribly easy to slip in and out of stores unnoticed and without incident when I was alone and hyper-aware of everyone and everything. I only had to worry about myself. As someone with anxiety, the very last thing I wanted to do was draw attention to myself, so trips out were relatively short and quick.

But all that changes with the Littles. Like most other kids, they are inquisitive and sensory driven. They want to see and touch and smell and be a part of everything– as they should. It’s remarkable to see a child experience the world with wonder and delight. For the most part, they know no strangers, have no issues walking up to someone to talk to them or show them their toys. They know no fears socially. It’s amazing to watch and at the same time, terribly scary for someone like me. I worry constantly that they are annoying people. That they will intrude and a confrontation will arise. But, of course, I try my best to let them be kids. To not stress over every move they make but I am not perfect. I wish with all my heart that I could just let go and not worry about what others are thinking of my kids’ behavior. But I can’t. As with myself, I am hyper-aware of my surroundings and those who are there as well. I am on constant guard. It’s exhausting both mentally and physically. If it’s just me out and about, I get a little anxious when speaking or conducting transactions but for the most part, I’m in control. I might get a little of the sweaty palms and “don’t-approach-me-mean-face” going on, but it’s not anything too ridiculous.

But when I’m out with the Littles, or the whole family, or at a place with a lot of people?? Well, all that changes. Exponentially. My whole body is tense. My muscles are rigid. My mouth dries out. My stomach hurts. I’m all sweaty. I get super moody because, well, who wouldn’t when your whole body is on Eleven. I can never relax for fear of the unknown. What will happen on this outing? Will I offend someone? Will my kids? When will be home again? Will we be at XXXX for hours? Who will be there? Do I know them? Will they judge what I am wearing? Will I say something stupid? Will my kids scream? Will they cry? Will I be judged for how they are acting? Have I raised good kids so far?

Like I said….EX.HAUS.TING.

But now that I’ve tied in my post-activity sleepiness with my anxiety, it’s been easier to recognize the patterns I get into when in public. Like today, at the Sci-Fi Expo, where there were tons of people and all kinds of stuff for the Littles to mess with, I was on high alert. But I caught myself tensing and made efforts to control it. It wasn’t a complete success in terms of not freaking out on the inside at least once, but hey, baby steps, no?

um. hi, best-gift-ever-from-j’s-co-worker-who-shall-now-be-my-best-friend.

– reading –

Hallowed, to be followed by Boundless, books 2 and 3 respectively, in the Unearthly series by Cynthia Hand. I cannot express my absolute adoration of book one. It was one of those sleeper hits where you pick it up for no reason at all and BOOM, forty pages in, you are like, “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE.” I pretty much devoured Unearthly (you can read my review here) and then Hallowed came out and I couldn’t start it. I just KNEW it was going to be heartfail. It couldn’t NOT be, not with the love triangle hints given towards the end of Unearthly. And at that time, I didn’t know when Book 3, Boundless, would be out and I can’t stand waiting and being all angsty over fictional characters…so I waited. Waited for Boundless to come out before I would touch Hallowed. Nerd alert, I know.

– listening –

Right now, I can’t get enough of The Lumineers (scored a download for $3 on amazon– HOLLA)  and Bad Religion’s new album, “True North”, which I am DYING OVER. I love them. And true love lasts a lifetime.

I’m also an audiobook kinda girl and right now I’m re-listening to Jellicoe Road. You guise. Please. I beg of you to read this book if you haven’t already. If you have, then your next step is to listen to the audiobook and let these characters burst into life and make you ugly cry. Sounds awesome, I know, but the kind of crying you do over this book is the best kind. That beautiful hurt cry that makes you ache and love and just feel alive. Am I overselling it? Nah.

– eating –

TONS OF CRAP. Ok, not really, but we are going through a bit of a rough patch money-wise. Nothing big. Nothing scary. Just adjusting to my new job and paycheck…so things are a bit tight while we get used to a different way. That being said, lately, i’ve been going for more convenience meals as opposed to fresh and organic. Cause let’s face it, the processed stuff is cheaper. It sucks and I do my best to balance it all, but sometimes, well sometimes, you just have to make do, yanno?

– running –

I have to admit that I’ve been failing on keeping up with my non-running workouts. They are just as important as the running part and I know this but I need to remind myself. The Dallas Half is right around the corner and I don’t have time to dilly-dally.

– watching –

HOCKEY. THE END.

(and maybe a little bit of the lizzie bennet diaries. maybe.)

– obsessing –

Over my new twitter username and custom email address. I decided to change my twitter name to reflect this blog a bit better. After annoying everyone I know on twitter to help me, I finally settled on @runswithtatts. Cause @tattoosandrunningshoes is too long. BOO TWITTER.

That whole changing my username made me think about a custom email. Why did it make me think of that? I have no idea…but I just rolled with it. A bit of googling and some copy and pasting and voila– custom email address. Y’all. I’m seriously nerding out over here over this email. Before it was tattoosandrunningshoesblog[at]gmail[dot]com. HELLOLONGEMAILADDRESS. Well, brace yourselves,because after all that hard work pressing control-C and control-V, I shaved FIVE whole letters off my address. You are now looking at the proud owner of lili[at]tattoosandrunningshoes[dot]com. I feel like Buddy the Elf and I want to shout “I’M IN LOVE, I’M IN LOVE!” I’ve always wanted my own email address and now it’s MINE. ALL MINE. MUWAHAHAHAHA.

Okay. Sorry. I’m just really excited.

– enjoying –

Being home with my girls everyday. It’s been an amazing almost 3 months. I get to wake up with them every morning. And help them get dressed. And send them off to school with hugs and kisses. And pick them up everyday. And make them dinners. And just be there. I can make plans on weekends without consulting 5 different sports schedules. I can email their teachers back and say “YES! I would LOVE to volunteer to help with the class party!” I can just be there. In their lives. And it’s brought us closer than I could have ever imagined. So, while it sucks to eat ramen some nights, I wouldn’t trade my time with the girls for anything.

What about you? What are you currently up to?

black bean tacos with avocado slices and goat cheese crumbles, aka MOUTHGASM

I’m a stubborn eater. I mean, bad. It all boils down to appearance. If something looks gross to me, then I won’t eat it. Period. This is why for years I rejected the avocado. It’s green. And mushy. And when made into guacamole? Omg. GAG.

As the child of a Mexican woman, you can correctly assume that our house was stocked with guacamole and it was present at the dinner table almost nightly. My cure? I would make a dinner napkin wall around it so I didn’t have to see it. This is how I know my parents loved me– because they put up with my crazy ass shenanigans.

Now that I am older and a non-meat eater, I realized pretty quickly that I had to change my views on food if I wanted to eat anything other than corn. I had to stop looking at food as gross in appearance and start appreciating it by taste. Those flippin’ avocados included. And yet, I skirted my way around them. I would order sandwiches without it. Or discreetly scrape off the green paste from dishes that I wasn’t aware it would come on. I would not be lured into their green siren call of mush. I would not.

Until two days ago when I caved.

I found this recipe and surprisingly, I didn’t want to barf at the site of the avocado in those tacos. Presentation really is everything, y’all, because I actually thought, “I bet those are good. Hmmm…maybe this will be the meal where I try out the ol’ Cado.”

You guise. AMAZING. I didn’t follow the recipe exactly, mainly because I forgot to actually use the recipe when I was making them, but they turned out DELICIOUS. And even more important– I didn’t die from eating avocados. I actually ::whispers:: liked them. I mean, I’m not going to start eating them like apples or anything, but I can see myself not shying away from them in dishes or on sammies anymore. Plus, they are chock full of goodness like potassium. And Folate. And a number of vitamins. Just the things I need in my body during these next three months training for the Half.

So, moral of the story?? Don’t put up napkin walls around foods that look yucky. Because you are an adult and it’s insane and people will look at you weird when you do it in public. Oh, and maybe don’t hide from foods that you Swear You Don’t Like. You never know. You might like them after all.

What foods did you hate as a kid but like now??

a little lunch, a little science fun at the perot, topped off with a whole lotta frozen yogurt goodness equals one damn fine day, aka, i wore out the littles and now they are fast asleep. WIN.

happy friday everyone!
♥

Today was my first day of Official Training. Well, it was supposed to be yesterday, but as I was turning into the parking lot of one of my favorite trails the phone rang. It was J telling me that one of the Littles wasn’t feeling well and was crying for me. I got on facetime (isn’t technology ridiculously cool?) and there she was– her poor little face all red and crying for me to come home. Yeah…I couldn’t NOT go home. And even if I could have been talked into staying to run, I wouldn’t have been able to concentrate, so home I went.

Long story longer, I moved the run to today– but I didn’t run. I did some yoga (!), so I could run tomorrow, which would get me on schedule for keeping my long runs on Sunday. Normally I wouldn’t obsess so much about having to run on certain days but the Dallas RnR Half is a little less than 12 weeks away. Whoa. Like, Joey Russo “WHOA!”

Now here’s the part where I confess something to you all.

I totally flaked on my training last time around.

Shocker. I know.

But the thing is, no matter how much I didn’t take my training seriously last time, once I crossed that finish line this past summer in Chicago, I had three thoughts:

1. I had NO idea how to train for that distance. Period.

2. I should have done better.

3. When can I try again?

So here I am. 12 weeks out and ready to Do This Thang.

One of the BIG things I neglected last time was proper cross-training/strengthening. I can count of my hands the number of non-running workouts I did in preparation for the Chicago Half.  I remember during the last half my back KILLING me around mile ten. Therefore, this time? This time, I am making it a priority. Sure the running and logging miles is important but I need to build up endurance in other ways. Not just distance wise. Last time, I found a way to get through the 13.1 miles (mainly thanks to Carter who at the very end, grabbed my hand and started sprinting, dragging me along with her) but I don’t want to “get through” them this time. I want to run. I want to compete. Not against others– just myself. I want to actually push myself. See how much I can improve with proper, focused training. So I am scheduling yoga once a week and at least one strengthening day, if not two. I want to be disciplined but flexible. Only 78 more days to go.

Now, what about you?
What do you do on non-running days?